What my son's bow legs taught me about life

Life (of course) teaches us many lessons but having 3 children has reinforced the same lesson to me over and over again (in different ways).

In order to explain, let me tell you a story:

When my son was little, he had really significant bow leg and intoe-ing of his gait (they pointed inwards). His hips also looked like they jutted outward - so his legs literally made the perfect letter ‘O’. My brother used to joke, he can’t wait to play football against him #nutmeg

It was all fun and jokes until he started walking, and the significance of his bow leg dawned on me. And I realised that this had every possibility of being how his legs were shaped going forward. I then began to worry. I am not someone who typically worries a lot (certainly not pre-children) but as many mothers can attest to - having children, is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. lol. So I began to fret and worry, pray and then worry some more.

I cycled through a lot of emotions. The main ones were guilt, concern, worry and then peace (And repeat).

Guilt - Did I not give him enough milk and calcium in his diet? Was it because I had given up dairy products and I was breastfeeding him? Did I forget his multivitamins one too many times?

Concern- Will people laugh at him/point/ stare? Will he get made fun of at school?

Worry - Will it hold him back? Will he develop brittle bones? Will it ever be painful?

Peace- His uncles all have bow legs and it’s not that obvious in adulthood. His dad is tall, lots of tall people have bow legs as a baby. He rolled early, crawled early and walked early- so it couldn’t really affect his physical development.

And repeat.

Then after a while, I went privately to see a top professor and orthopaedic consultant at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital in Stanmore, right as the world was beginning to shut down. Literally, COVID was unfurling all around the world, and I was like ok….but let’s not forget about his legs!

This lovely doctor was reassuring and knowledgeable. There was no one else there, so it was like a VIP service- bloods and X-rays were taken, we discussed the results there and then and she did her best to reassure me that he was fine and everything would straighten itself out with time.

Initially, I was confident. ‘He’s fine. I went to see a top professor and orthopaedic consultant, she’s not worried. It’ll go with time she said’ But then some time passed - and with each stare, each point, each joke made at his expense (by family of course) with the backdrop of a global pandemic…my concerns started to grow again. What did ‘with time’ even mean? What if it didn’t happen ‘with time’? What if I leave it too late to make a difference and it will never resolve? How could I not ‘do’, that’s too passive. So I began to throw the kitchen sink at it.

I paid for a podiatrist to see him. He diagnosed him with one of the ‘worst cases of bow leg he had ever seen at this age’- it was an urgent matter that ‘needed addressing immediately.’ Here’s the actual report below:

So, I found someone who confirmed my suspicions, but why didn’t I feel any better? No, in fact, I felt worse. I began obsessing over his legs. I took videos daily, I was obsessed with the way he was sitting and the fact he couldn’t cross his legs. I gave the nursery specific instructions; don’t let him sit on his knees, ensure he’s practicing crossing his legs, and record how many times he trips over his feet. Eventually, I went back to the Orthopaedic Consultant- this time armed with videos. Her response:

Again, really reassuring. I should have stopped and let go but the ‘physio will do no harm’ sentence gave me a green light and so I sought out another solution- a child physiotherapist. Listen, let me just tell you the innanet is a dangerous place. Can you imagine trying to teach a 15-month-old how to do exercises? No, you can’t - because it’s not possible! But it didn’t stop this woman from convincing me that she could, and failing miserably. Trying to get him to hop like a frog (I know I said he was advanced, but he wasn’t superhuman haha!), walking like a penguin, doing commando crawls! Oh, I’m embarrassed even recalling this. But that one session was enough for me to understand that I was likely overdoing it and I finally decided to hang my coat up and let time/God do what He was going to do.

And then…guess what? Time passed, other things caught my attention, and life continued to happen. And by the time I remembered to examine again- his legs were completely straight, like the letter ‘I’ this time. And just like that ‘the bow phase’ was over. Rapidly replaced by the next phase…

I tell this story because having kids teaches you so aptly about one thing... Phases!

Parenting is all about phases. Life is all about phases. Your kids go through these with rapidity and certainty, and so do you.

You may remember or currently be going through a phase with your child; picky eater, wetting their beds, poor sleep, biting other children. Outside of kids, your phase may be; redundancy, breakups, friendships ending, moving home. In the moment, like myself, you may be consumed with it, embedded in it, implanted by it. But ‘with time’ it fades to a memory. But what do we learn? Well, that with every phase- this too shall pass. And the seemingly bad or difficult moments in life do not last indefinitely.

I’ve learnt to avoid throwing myself into an emotional cesspit at every stage, especially surrounding the letter my son’s legs make! That is certainly a surefire way to age fast, burn out and negatively affect my mental well-being.

The fact is we can’t always control what happens to us, but we can certainly control how we respond.

Change is, and always will be, the natural order of life.

Bonne chance!

xo

P.S. Objectively, I know bow leg is not a big deal, and yes, even if he turned out to have bow legs it would not have been the end of the world. But that is not how the brain of an anxious mother works. I did not, at that time, have the benefit of applying logic and reasoning to an illogical and emotionally fuelled situation. I’m sure many of you can relate.